Justin

SpazDance: The Beginning

Many of you heard that tonight I just meandered around Target while I sipped my latte. I was chill, and it was a a good way to decompress. Toward the end, I stopped by the pharmacy to see if they had an old prescription. The cream for the redness in my face was on file, and they could prep it in 20 minutes.

So in all of my enjoyment of walking around with a latte, I decided to get another. If you weren’t aware of the math, one latte has two shots of espresso. By the time I got home, I was still in a calm state and focused, so I got some work done. Cool.

SpazDance About an hour after I got home, I went to Dancer’s Studio for their weekly dance party, which is now 90 minutes. When I had four shots of espresso, I was calm, and it was good, but dancing excites me:
Hello stimulation! Hello four shots of caffeine sitting on the back burner!

As always when I dance, I had fun!
I danced every single song. Period. In my spazzy umph, I made up moves…. and they worked!

When I dance, I dance to have fun and to make my partner smile, Which I did every dance!

So for the rest of tax season, forget going out, socializing. Forget finding a nice lady friend.
I don’t have time, anyways.

The period of my fabled dance breaks will begin once again!

Dancing begins at 1:20. It’s awesome if you’ve never seen it.

A special thanks goes out to Troy for being a good DJ, as always, to Christine and a million other ladies for being incredible follows, and especially to Christine Hardcastle: I had two private lessons per week with Christine back in the day. I asked her to make me a good lead. Christine had a method making my madness move magnificently, and she did exactly what I asked.
Nowadays, I’m able to lead ladies incredibly well. Even those who are newer to dancing end up doing incredible things when led right.

Point is, I love dancing and will do it more!

Why the Lid Up Is (sometimes) Good

It’s an age old male/female issue.

I’ll start by saying that I automatically lower the lid. It’s not a big deal. My mom trained everyone.

Before I get to my main point, I don’t like double standards. If I have to put the lid down, then so should you. You want me to close it either because you don’t want to look before you sit and you’ve fallen in, you don’t want to go through the work of lowering the lid, or you don’t want to see how nasty the toilet is.

Since the first two are just from refusal to learn or laziness, respectively, in going to assume it’s because women are ladies and want everything to be prim and proper.

That’s fine. If you want the bathroom to look nicer, then lower the top lid too. I don’t want to look in the toilet bowl unless I’m using it. So on your high value of aesthetics, close the lid! It’s a double standard that bugs me. My toilet is cleaned everyday someone comes over. Yours isn’t.

Point is, women are gross and have double sstandard. This double standard has always bugged me. I’m saying it now. Women, you’re wrong.

The Main Point

Aside from my tirade, I’ll assert that there is an appropriate situation to leave the lid up.

I do it only for the benefit of women. That sounds contra-women’s intuition, I know, but let me explain.

In public restrooms, I try to always remember to leave the lid up.

Public toilets, for whatever reason, have an opening between the left and right side of the sitting lid. I leave it up because I know some little kid (or let’s face it, some man-child) is going to think, “Wow! An opening just for me,” and will think he can aim. Let’s face it, he can’t. So he ends up messing up the seat.

So I leave the seat up in public, unisex restrooms so ladies don’t have to sit on lids that, unbeknownst to them, is caked with dry urine (hover much?).

Yeah, I leave the lid up (sometimes) because I’m considerate. Your welcome.

Prefect Late Night Snack

Maybe it’s my perpetually yearning sweet tooth.

Maybe it’s bad habit formed as a child from often having “ice cream before bed.”

Maybe late at night, my tummy has a grumble that makes Winnie the Pooh’s seem mute.

Whatever the reason, I love to have a snack late at night.

I’ve tried fruit, but I need the base to settle m my stomach.

Mikky does fine, but there’s still the sweet tooth.

The best thing, obviously, is a hot fudge sundae with Oreos some since delicious s’mores flavor of the day custard.

But being a man of health, longevity, and other awesome traits, I need a healthier solution!

IMG_20160210_233213587~2 — Bad pic but w/e

Therefore, for there last couple weeks, I’ve been having a chocolate protein shake at the end of the night.

It’s healthy, delicious, and fulfills my food cravings.

So BOOM!

A healthy tax season or going well thus far!

Tasty Salad Plus

I love to have a tasty salad (plus other toppings) that I can just grab in the fridge as I run out the door (yes, after I put some fresh toppings on our, etc.).

But what makes a salad great is its toppings. So I take

a fresh red pepper and have it ready to go.

Chop it up in slices, then cut those in half, and they’re about 4″ – perfect to add some flavor variety to your salad. They go well with many dressings, including french or even dabs of bbq sauce.

This is not the mostenvironmentally friendly thing I do (very small containers would work well, like large pill capsules), buy I put groups of five or six mini sliced of pepper into a small bag.

Then I put the small bags into a larger freezer bag and put it in my freezer. Whenever I want a salad with Red peppers,I just grab a bag of peppers from the freezer, a bowl of salad from the fridge, and run out the door.

If it’s summer, the peppers will actually keep the rest of the salad at a good temperature.

Salad~2a — This is sitting right on top of my container of salad chicken (made with my Lean, Mean, Fat Reducing Salad Chicken Cooking Machine [™, almost, buy it’s the use of the Foreman after adjustment days] ).

Diet Revolution!

This is the first REVOLUTION of this tax season. Usually, I munch on cookies, drink pop, coffee, and God only knows what other crap I eat.

See, I have a perpetual sweet tooth. No, yours isn’t the same. I’m talking cookies dipped in hot chocolate for lunch with a piece of chocolate cake for dessert. Last tax season was especially bad, but after this tax season, I’m planning on being in great shape, and just not fat. The difference? I’m just working for myself for the first time. Ever.

I’ve been running during the day because i can! It’s neat! It’s what working for yourself should be.

Balance Test

Someone’s when I go to the gym, I test my balance. How do I do that?

Try changing your shoes and socks without sitting down.

Okay, now try it without holding onto the wall (or anything else).

Good. Now try it without touching your free leg to your other leg. It’ll help if you make your standing leg not straight and locked.

Yes, including tying your shoes.

Some days I have enough balance, other days I don’t. But doing this probably looks as impressive as changing your shoes can look. They brings me to my next goal……….

Co-ed locker rooms!

Focus on Quality

Sometimes, I have to sew.

Sometimes, it’s part of a gift. Like a Christmas gift that is long overdue.

Always, it takes forever.

It takes forever because, like my work, I have an innate focus on quality. Unlike my work, I do not do it often. Therefore, I am really meticulous and slow.

One thing I do that takes time (besides just threading the needle) after every stitch, I tie a knot. I’m not a huge fan of sewing, and I don’t want to have to resew it just because one thread breaks.

Well, if it’s my own clothes, I tie one occasionally, but when it’s for other people, like cooking or taxes, I have the highest quality standards.

Poor lighting, PR photo. It's not dirty - it's white, and the thing I'm sewing to it has dark feet. — Poor lighting, PR photo. It’s not dirty – it’s white, and the thing I’m sewing to it has dark feet.

How You Can Improve Your Winter Driving

People are very unsafe drivers in the winter. I’m here to tell you how you can improve your winter driving.

First of all, we can all agree, the problem is those stupid kids. Or those stupid guys. Or silly gals. Basically, everyone except me. And you if you’re not ever in winter accidents or end up in the ditch.

ditch

I’m going to tell you about how I drive in the winter, at least when it’s wintery out.

Focus

The very most important thing I do is focus. When the weather or roads aren’t perfect or the road, I always focus on driving. My Google Maps is set to drive everywhere before I leave.
My music is off.
I’m gripping the wheel solidly.

focus

You might saw that I’m a little intense.

I drive very safely.

Consrvative

It’s very simple:
When the road looks wet, I just assume it’s icy. I drive incredibly slow.

One time, I knew I could stop in my little car, so I drove “normally”. Someone else was following me. I went to stop at the stop sign; they couldn’t stop or slow down, and they rear-ended me.

That was over ten years ago.

When I drive, I maintain absolute control:

I assume that I won’t be able to stop in an emergency; this means I give a lot of space between my car and the person in front of me
I assume that I won’t be able to go if I need; this means I don’t assume I’m going to be able to move out of anyone’s way quickly and therefore don’t get into a situation where I need to “blast” to safety, a strategy that is useful in the summer when you have a little car
I assume no one else will be able to stop; this is very vital to staying safe. Today was icy, and if you were watching me drive, you’d notice I don’t look at the stop sign when I’m stopping. It’s like watching your feet when you dance – it’s going to be where it is. When you’re dancing, at least if a gentleman, you’re looking out for other people. By assuming no one else can stop, it makes me very slow at a stop sign, since I wait until the other person comes to a complete stop before I go. Driving how young, stupid people drive, or many people, really, they don’t stop until they are almost at the stop sign. Even in nice weather, I apply the brakes early.

Basically, I drive like an old man in the winter.

old man driver

Why My Little Car is Better than Your Big Truck in the Winter

I know a lot of people, and they all deceived into thinking that their big truck/SUV is safer than my little car. They’re all very wrong for many reasons. Let me tell you why.

Collapsable Design

I mean, sure, if a big truck/SUV collides with my car, my car will be totaled, guaranteed. That’s precisely how they are designed.

A modern compact car is incredibly safe. The outside of the car will be absolutely destroyed. It’s is designed to take an impact and to direct it to the entire rest of the outside of the car. This means the inner cabin is not touched.

Okay, you’ll just have to trust me on that. Engineers are smarter than you and I, so they can figure out how. At least Japanese (Honda) engineers. Your truck/SUV is fine, too, but the purpose of this section is to say that no, car owners won’t immediately die.
But I have real talking points that aren’t just things I’m making out of air.

Confidence

People in big trucks/SUVs, generally, think they’re invincible.

They speed; they are aggressive, and just generally drive like a holes. If there’s not a way to pass a car, don’t tail them. Remember, if they need to stop, they’ll stop faster than you, you’re totally liable. I know if you tail me then rear end me, my plan is to make you liable for as m much as I can. My neck is really messed up from you rear-ending me.

The reason I have no pity? You were in a hurry because you didn’t plan for the weather (read “planned poorly”). If you plan poorly, accept the fact that you’ll be late, and it’s all your fault.

You think this is your vehicle:

Responsiveness

M my car is tremendously more responsive. It has way less momentum. Let’s imaging it’s all ice outside. Sheets.

Neither of our vehicles will stop by applying the breaks.

My car slows down faster from coasting. But let’s be honest, my car is noticeably slowed down from running over that bump, manhole, or snow. Or I can use those slight road obstacles to help me stear, because remember, our tires don’t do anything in the ice if they turn, etc.

Stopping and Turning

You’re thinking “I can stop – my truck is heavy.” Heavy things have more gravity.” I think you’re a very foolish person. You probably can stop better going up hill, maybe. It’s ice. You can’t turn, accelerate, or stop. Your car has anti-lock brakes. Good job. It’s irrelevant on ice. Your giant truck/SUV has a lot of momentum. There is only one kind of tire that has grip on ice:

Too bad tire chains aren’t legal in Minnesota. Your taxes are high enough in Minnesota, and construction is bad enough.

Acceleration

You can accelerate in your truck. Your truck compacts the snow, which becomes ice. Then your wheels spin. A lot of people think they will go by spinning their tires. Keep spinning!
Guess what? Your truck/SUV has four tires. My car does, too. That means that you have the same footprint to make a lot more mass move. It’s not going to do it very easily.
Also, while I’ve never seen it, I swear I’ll laugh when your spinny wheels grip the ground because they dig down to the ground, then your car is going to fly forward and crash or something.

My car, on the other hand, doesn’t need to grip the pavement. It can crawl across the power, and my lightweight car stays on top of the snow. Well, it’s not really on top, but I imagine it is. In reality, it takes a lot less force to move my car, which means I can ease into the snow.
I accelerate slowly.
It drives people behind me absolutely crazy. I’m always in control, even if I could go faster by compromising that.

While I’m totally an easy-going guy, when I’m driving (and only when I’m driving), I’m kind of a control freak.

I’ll tell you how and why in my next post.

At the Turn of the Year

New Yea

Each year, I like to make a little blurb about the years.

So here it is. 2015 was an amazing year. I decided to stop hugging a comfortable corporate job and to focus on my business (Me? Focus? Scary!). At some point (later than everyone wanted), I finally and actually got over the woman from 2013 (about time, right? And this time, it’s actually, not just saying it). I’ve gotten busier. Much, much busier.

2015 was a very big year for me, mostly because the two items above ran kind of deep.

2016 will be extra amazing!

With lessons and developments this far in life, I have the following prediction about women: Women are absolutely crazy and there is no predicting what will happen!

2016 business success is going to absolutely overwhelm me, to the point where I will have to take frequent extravagant vacations. This is okay because business will be so good that I’ll have the money for it. I’ll also hire more help.

Also, by no longer working a corporate job, I’ll be very, very healthy.

Have a fun and safe night!